My Shazzy

Warning.. this post may bounce around a lot. It's because I'm crying while I write it.

The day after Thanksgiving I said goodbye to my sweet Shazzy. It was the hardest decision I have EVER had to make. For the last year, I did everything I could to keep her healthy, keep her comfortable, keep her with me. I knew it was coming. Her nightly accidents had become the rule rather than the exception. She couldn't get up on her own from laying down. Even the simple task of walking to the yard caused her to loose balance and fall. Early morning on Nov 26th, I got up because I smelled another accident. I went into the kitchen, cleaned up the mess and just looked at my puppy. She raised her head and looked at me. I could see her eyes were so tired and I knew it was time. I just lay down on the floor and hugged her. I kissed her face and rubbed her legs. I knew she was in so much pain. I woke Chris up and he took the boys to my sister's house. We walked her to the van and as I sat in the back seat with her I was totally numb. We got to the clinic where I had seen this scenario so many time. So many tears, and now it was my turn. Laurie hugged me and gave Shazzy some medicine for the pain. Again I just lay on the floor with her. I cried and told her how much I loved her. I told her not to be scared that soon I would be with her in Heaven because in Heaven years are like seconds and before she knew it I would be there with her. Laurie came back in the room and said it was time. I looked up at Chris and he was crying just as hard as I was. We lifted her up and put her on the table and then it was time to say goodbye. I stayed right in front of her the whole time so she didn't see anything else but me. As her eyes started to close I told her it was OK and then she was gone. Chris left and there I was with just her. I hugged her for what seemed like forever and then I knew I had to leave. I didn't know how to say goodbye.

Its been 2 weeks. I still walk to the door to let her in. I still hear her barking when I pull in to the driveway. I still wake up at night thinking I forgot to give her medicine to her. We decorated the tree this morning. It was so hard to see her ornaments. The ornaments from before Chase and Toby. The ones that read "Chris, Liz, Dolly, and Shazzy". She was my baby before I had my babies and she will always have a spot in my heart.